The Fun and the Sun

Sorry for the absence. I've been distracted by the summer weather, and also busy carrying 168 pounds of cat litter up three flights of stairs. That's a true story, and you should all watch out, because the buy one, get one free sale on cat litter this week at the Teeter will make you temporarily forget where you live in light of the Unreal Deal. No cats? Doesn't matter. It's such a good deal, you'll probably buy six boxes anyway, at least, and then have to carry them a mile uphill to your cabin with no road access.

Lately I have been getting exercise, which I think is making me too tired for blogging. Last Saturday I went on a great, muddy hike with Jen from church at the Whitewater Center. (I still haven't cleaned my shoes.) (Another bright moment!: I left my wallet in her car without realizing it until she was halfway home -- and there I was in the Arboretum parking lot with the gas gauge on 'empty.') The next day, I went on a bike ride with my dad and husband, and it poured -- again with the mud?! (I still haven't cleaned my camelbak.)

Yesterday was gorgeous, and we went kayaking. (There's much less to clean.) (Also kayaks were on sale at Dick's last week, so Abe bought two with his bad self.) We went to Lake Tillery in Morrow Mt. State Park, and I turned out to be a remarkable kayaker (undiscovered athletic talent? or intense fear of falling out and being eaten by the alligator gar? We'll never know). My kayak is yellow yellow yellow - so maybe alligator gar are afraid of bananas. Or yellow fever.

I have also been working out with Kathy Ireland, which is an amazing video I used to do in high school with my sister and her friends (and by "do the video," I mean, we would put on our shorts and sports bras and lay on the cool tile floor in the living room with the tape playing, laughing hysterically). I think the most amazing thing about this workout isn't the exercise, or the results: it's that Kathy actually wears those socks for the entire video. Wonderful. You also have to wonder who matched her big red hair with her little hot pink work-out bra/top. Her colorblind stylist? Her arch-nemesis? Or maybe she picked it herself: a person can only take so many crunches and butt squeezing exercises before they just crack.

On that hilarious note, I think I'm done here for today. Hopefully this blog won't turn out like "my current project" (see below), for which I have lost all motivation and enthusiasm.

Current project

my current embroidery project, which will someday be a pillow, and my housedress

Happy Ending

Today I spilled all over myself as I was trying to walk out the door for work, so I threw on my house dress, which happens to look like the dysfunctional child of Little House On The Prairie and my mother's closet from the 1960's. When I say it is loud, I mean you should cover your ears. Self-conscious? Maybe a little.

I stopped at the library to pick up some books they were holding for me.* In line, there was an old man behind me, wearing short old-man shorts, with his knobbly old-man knees. "I like your dress," he said. "That is a beautiful dress."

It was a good day.

*Friends, don't let this friend drop by the library and drive. I was hoping to hit stoplights so that I could start reading my first book. I am 100% certain this is a safety hazard.

"Waste not? Want less" (A guest post by Franc)

"Look! I can recycle, and I don't even have hands. "

Today while my mom was jamming in the bucket shower (she says you can't help but jam in a bucket shower), I decided to sneak onto her computer to see what she has been telling y'all about me. Of course, I was shocked to see that she has not even mentioned me for almost a week! And lately even her pictures have not been of me. OR FOOD. So I'm staging an intervention, because I know you've been lonely for me. This is my big chance to show you how clever I am, so I'll be sure to talk about things that are important and deep.

I've been thinking about my life so far which is almost one year long! If you'd like to send a birthday gift, I'll give you a hint: I like food. I guess Mom got me thinking this morning by making a big deal about Kina and I graduating to adult cat food. Of course Mom is ridiculous, because I would eat anything, and I tried to tell her by eating all of Dad's rubber ear plugs, but she still insists on buying purrina. ...What was I saying? A bug went by and boy, was that distracting. Oh. I was remembering all the things that I've knocked over, eaten, and learned since my family adopted me from the Humane Society, where I was so cute I seduced the whole place, and they called me "Roly," although it is not too humane to make fun of a kitten with a little baby fat if you ask me.

But People do lots of things that are crazy to me. (Eating salad? What is that about? Where's the tuna? Mm, it's in tuna salad! That's a salad I could talk to.) "Waste not, want not" is one of those things People say that I don't exactly "understand," so I just try to look adorable to distract them from their nonsense. Anyway, I decided just now what to write, because I saw that Karissa wanted to know about recycling and garbage, and I happen to be an expert at minimizing waste: just eat it!. Also, as you can see from the photo, my Mom and Dad taught me about recycling when I was just a tiny kit. Here are things that they do about garbage and not making so much of it:

• Use empty wine bottles to store water in the fridge; I think it makes them look like drunks, but Mom thinks it's cool. (Ha!)
• Shop at thrift stores. Mom and Dad are obsessed with leaving Kina and I by ourselves so that they can go to "Goodwill." I call it "Goodriddance," because I don't need them, anyway! I'm grown now. Just please leave out the food and send someone to clean the litter box, would you please?
  
• Buy or pick up from the Curb secondhand furniture. This is one of my favorites, because it means we don't get yelled at for scratching the furniture like we do at Gram and Gramps' house. I would like to see the Curb someday, but Mom is scared because she sees cats get run over on Park Road. Maybe when I'm braver, I'll sneak out with Kina sometime so I can see for myself.
  
• Reuse containers. Mom still feeds us out of a plastic container that she got when we were tiny kittens. She's not fooling me. I know we were downgraded from expensive vet food to the "nurturing formula" months ago. So I'm a big fan of that container, because it helps my lunch crunch! (do you like that? I thought of it myself. Crunch, lunch! Beats soggy old food from the bag every time.) My mom saves all kinds of jars that food comes in and even washes out plastic bags, which are fun to play with but only if you don't get caught, and Dad planted all those baby plants I knocked over in containers that would have gone in the garbage (like old soda cups, plastic bottles he cut the tops off of, and tin cans).
• This reminds me, what time is lunch?
• Get mad and talk about why Trader Joe's -- that's the place that makes ginger cookies shaped like me! which I hope isn't giving people the idea that I am also edible -- sells everything in non-recyclable plastic containers
• Recycle what they can, although my mom suspects that secretly our apartment complex trashes everything, even the stuff People put in the recycle bins.
• Be creative! My crazy mom pretends her skirts are dresses and wears them around her armpits, cuts up old clothes to make new clothes, and made Mother's Day gifts from old artichoke jars and sheets from Goodwill. (I guess no one told her that the best gifts are edible.)
• Try to get by with less.
• Take their own bags to the grocery, and reuse the plastic/paper ones. They use the plastic ones for trash bags in the bathroom, and Mom turns the paper ones inside out and wraps presents with them, if Kina and I don't tear them to shreds first. See? Recycling is fun!
• I read in one of Dad's gardening books about composting, and I don't know why they don't do that, because it seems like it would be fun to have all those worms to play with. I think that maybe they are just too lazy.

I hear Mom getting out of the shower, so I need to go meow and act cuddly so that she'll spend time with me before she leaves for work. (Don't tell her I said she's ridiculous.) (And I was serious about those food presents. Mail to: Franc the Cat Kovach in Charlotte, NC. My mom had to register me with the county, so they'll know how to find me.) (I promise to recycle the packaging.)

if you licked a dirty bicycle tire after wiping it on the bottom of your filthy City garbage can after a hot summer rain

I should never have started that Craigslist thing, because now I can't stop. It's not my fault. This stuff is pure gold! (In spite of his bizarre idea of salesmanship, it's surprising how much this seller and I are alike. He's mad his salad tastes like "piles of crunchy bugs," and I would be too! Someone should do that man a favor and tell him that images of "cowboy butt sweat" are not going to entice people to buy his table. Also, $1900? This is Craigslist, friend, not "Ashley Furnishings." Anyway, he could be a millionaire if he kept his magic table, realizing its enormous potential to revolutionize the weight loss industry.)

Craigslist furniture we will NOT be buying:

"This shelf unit is super cute!"

"Primitive bench - $75"
(I tried to find a picture like the one of this bench, but all of google image's "primitive benches" were awesome. The craigslist bench wasn't "simple, unsophisticated." It was more "the first or earliest of the kind or in existence, esp. in an early age of the world," left out in the woods to halfway decompose.)

"Pine bench - $35 - I have to get the measurements"
(Do you think?)

"Bar Table and Swivel Chairs - Duke Theme - $100"
(The sad thing? That is actually a good price.)

"Concrete MOTORCYCLE Saddle Garden Bench UNIQUE - $125"
(Unique was a very kind way to describe it. I won't traumatize you with photos, but I will tell you: it was painted with pink flames.)

And maybe my favorite: "beautifull leather elephant 38 W X 36H bought from ashley furnishers good condition too large for house "

raining, cats, and dogs

On Saturday I was caught in the craziest storm. It rained earlier in the morning, but seemed to be clearing up by the time I went into Trader Joe’s. Wicked clouds brewed back up while I was in the store, but it wasn’t raining yet when I got to the door. In the short time it took me to get to my car (and if you’ve been to that Trader Joe’s, you know I mean short, because their parking lot is smaller than my apartment. Also, I am an expert on being short), the rain came down so heavily that my grocieries and I were soaked. I jumped in the driver’s seat, turned on the wipers, and checked my rearview mirror. I could only laugh when I saw my soggy mop (Freak rain storms are clearly not the ideal stylist for my short haircut). I had a couple other errands to run, but decided it would be better to head home. I'm a busy lady -- I have no time to argue with all the well-meaning strangers who might think I was lost and take me to the pound.

I like to move it, move it

The things we love about our new apartment:

Kina

1. Everything we own, left out on counters is stress to me, but all games to Kina. So many things to knock over!
   
2. Trying to run away from it.
3. The food

Franc

1. The parallel litter boxes. We haven’t set them up yet (by which I mean, found a way to hide them from the average visitor but leave them convenient to the kitties), so right now, the two litter boxes are sitting side by side in our special-olympics-sized bathroom.** Today, Franc learned he could stand with his front feet in one litter box and his back feet in the other, and pee. This is the cat equivalent of overseas travel, or visiting the Four Corners Monument.
2. Easy-open cabinets, which give him 67% more area in which to hide.
3. The food.
   

Abram

1. ME! I asked him what his favorite thing about the new apartment was, and he actually said “you.” (No, not you. Me.) He was (a) being a romantic fool (b) suffering from short-term memory loss and forgot that I lived in the old apartment, too (c) about to ask if he can go on a month-long hiking/fishing/hunting expedition to Alaska. (I'm going with a) (and the answer would be no, because I can't operate the bucket shower without him).
   
2. The bucket shower. (We DO have plumbing available to us, even in the South. We just choose to try not to use it.)
3. Our porch, which also happens to be the plants' favorite thing about our new apartment. Abe loves that the plants can enjoy the “musical sun.” (His words, not mine.) (Ed, I still maintain we are not growing weed, in spite of any evidence to the contrary.)
   

Karen

1. **The special-olympics-sized bathroom. So I guess now it’s time to tell that story. In college, I lived near an evil corporation coffee shop. It was tiny (even to me, and I was living in what I think was once the maid’s closet of a historic Charleston home at the time), and to use the bathroom, you had to squeeze yourself down a hallway to a door marked with a handicapped-accessible sign. And inside was the biggest bathroom of your life. So our joke (and you should close your eyes and skip a line, if you’re especially sensitive to insensitive jokes) was that they held the special olympics there. And that is now how I judge the size of a bathroom. (I did learn other things in college.) (like statistics, as I'm sure 98% of you have noticed.)
   
2. Exercise: Third floor apartment + chasing after runaway Kina + hide and seek with Franc + 60 steps to the front door, as opposed to 30 before. I am going to be a beast.
   
3. Potential to start over in a new life with a place for everything and everything in its place
4. (I get the most because this is my blog; also Kina is not that talkative) Doing laundry in my own home, which I turn out to love secretly, because it makes me feel like a Responsible Adult.
5. An excuse to look at shelving and small sofas at Goodwill.