Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Back to business. As I said, I wrecked my car and with it my chance of ever having a free minute to myself ever again. I have basically looked at every car that's for sale on the entire internet, and I'm still driving my husband's honda (and almost breaking it. I'm on a roll here) instead of the station wagon of my fantasies.
I've been wrecking lots of things, like almost my kitten's entire life, which I guess would be a lot worse if she didn't have eight more where that came from. The other day I toothpasted (word of the day! Use it in a sentence) my toothbrush, and then had to run to the kitchent to see which kitten had knocked something over to produce a giant crash. When I returned, Kina (who I should learn to post pictures of) had devoured all the toothpaste off my toothbrush, and was hunched over it with her mouth cracked open, like she was testing the minty freshness. I was horrified, and imagined her keeling over dead because of my irresponsible dental hygeine. So I called the vet, who basically told "that's a weird one," and that she (the cat, not the vet) might vomit. I wish she (the vet, not the cat) could have told me how I ended up with one cat that fetches, craves toothpaste, and needs weening (a story for another day), and one cat who seems to be trying to train to swim the English Channel. That's how much he loves water.
On the topic of cats, today I conducted a scientific experiment, which proved my hypothesis that my favorite pair of black pants is more magnetic to pet hair than any other known substance in the universe. You can never be totally sure, though. I mean, they discover new things on Mars every day.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Karen : analogies :: crazy : should not even try it - a quick tip analogies study guide for those of us suffering from the GRE
- Going to see her boyfriend's band, The Explorers Club, play in NoDa at a tiny venue that sold earplugs and munchies for $1. (this venue : a normal sized venue :: my 685 square foot apartment : everyone else's at least 750 sqare feet of housing)
- Watching the girl in front of us "dancing" ... or else it really was a seizure...
- Laughing at the girl in front of us dancing. Seriously, it was zombie-movie-riffic. Like if you took a zombie out of a movie, and put it in a disco, it would have looked like this girl. (This girl's moves : zombie moves :: apples : apples)
- Watching only movies set in the 1800's, like Appaloosa and Jeremiah Johnson. (If you haven't seen J.J., in this movie Robert Redford : women :: chocolate : me)
- Cooking a lot of food (Karen and Millie : delicious Thai coconut butternut squash soup :: The Explorer's Club :: delicious melodious melodies).
- Eating and snacking
- Missing the signs for 77 everywhere that we drove. (Karen : navigation :: Karen : teleportation)
- Playing with the kittens (Franc : food :: Kina : fetching earplugs)
- Getting fashion compliments at church, because Millie : stylish :: Karen : ticklish.
- Catching up. This weekend : weekends :: delicious homemade chocolate mousse : mousses.
Abe's weekend also got high heels, because he went out of town to fish the frozen rivers in Boone. Travelling made his travelling extra long, because snow : Charlotteans :: kryptonite : Superman. He spent an extra night stuck in Boone. If I were the perfect wife (Karen : wives :: Jesus : humankind), purely hypothetically of course, my reaction would have been "darling, whatever it takes for you to be safe, especially since today you already had that minor accident where you slid backwards all the way down your brother's snowy driveway and ran into a wall." But Karen : perfect wife :: Karen : Jesus, so instead of saying that, I pouted.
Friday, January 16, 2009
I stood there, feeling pretty awkward while the parole officer gave me a variety of funny looks. I noticed that one or more of those looks was directed at my hat, which my sister crocheted and then gave away when she decided it was too hippie for her. But at least my ears weren't cold.
Did you know that parole officers wear badges that look like Real Police-Type Badges? I did not, so I was intimidated, until I remembered that as long as this guy was like the real police, and had nothing to do with the fashion variety, I was off the hook. I am thankful that it's not illegal to impersonate a logger in the workplace.
P.S. Because this post is about 1. a lumberjack and 2. freezing temperatures, I had to name it after a line in the first song I ever played start to finish on the guitar. I don't have to explain why so far, 2 of every 2 posts on this blog mentions whiskey. Or why at a tender young age I was entertained by a song about turning a human cadaver into a tool for deforestation. Ask nerkert.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
I've been the residential coordinator on the adult hall at NYMMH* since mid-November. Since then, on my shift, approximately
- two clients have been in a fist fight (twice).
- fifteen clients have delivered their babies.
- five clients have had spoiled milk poured all over their rooms.
- three clients have been emergency transported to the ER. (The middle of the night! The extremely pregnant women! The adrenaline! The van keys! Where are the van keys?!)
- two clients have stopped speaking to me. I am the Meanest Staff Ever.
- three staff members have been chosen to go across the country for a training in a healthy relationship curriculum. One's me! I am the Luckiest Staff Ever.
- one meal served in the cafeteria has been edible
I'm thankful that my job challenges me to learn to love the difficult ones.
*Some names have been changed to protect the innocent.