Tuesday, May 12, 2009

What's white and red and pink all over

Today's just not a good hair day. Franc tried to warn me. While I blow dried, he sat on the bathroom floor, staring and looking concerned. I ignored him, because that's not really an unusual look for Franc (who is chronically concerned about things like What Is For Dinner). I put down the hair dryer, and he licked my leg.* (He's a Mamma's boy. And *don't worry, it was clean.) Then I realized that the back of my head was still 47% too damp, so I plugged the hair dryer back in. Franc stepped up his intervention, and started to paw the air, No Mommy, no! But I still ignored him (because I secretly fear that if my hair is a little too wet, my hair product will dissolve instantly into nothing, and then I will look like a fluff. Obviously that is not science, because today I got my hair a little too dry, and it looks exactly like a fluff. So, sorry, Franc. Mommy should have listened. You are an expert, being 100% fluff).

Then, to show his disdain for my bad hair, Franc kicked litter all over my feet.

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Now I'm going to talk about something else.
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Are you feeling restless? Would you like a bigger/newer/fancier apartment/house/rock to live under? Do you dream about higher ceilings/energy efficient windows/nicer neighbors/newer appliances/a larger yard? ABANDON THOSE DREAMS. You'll get hungry unpacking the kitchen, and realize that while you have plenty of dishes, pans, and silverware, all of the food is in the other apartment. Moving can lead to starvation!

Or worse. Today I left the house wearing pink from neck to ankles and a sweater that is white and red. Somewhere in the 300 feet between our old apartment and our new apartment, I seem to have misplaced my ability to match things (and accidentally picked up the nicer neighbor's very pink clothes). Moving can cause you to dress like you're four!

Also, our bathroom cabinets are 100% easier for cats to open (or else, in this new environment, our cats are somehow 95% smarter), so it takes me 86% longer to find them. Moving can lead to inefficiency and tardiness!

The other problem with moving is that it sounds like it's a simple displacement of boxes (into a place that is bigger/newer/fancier! With high ceilings! And energy efficient windows!). And so you're tempted. But what you need to know is that when you're moving, the moving is nothing. After the moving, there's the cleaning, and finally the unpacking, which may or may not be done by Christmas in our apartment.

In the meantime, today I could not find my dresser. (And this after the Fluff, and spending 86% longer looking for the 95% smarter cats, making me feel 37% dumber and 67% later for work.)


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  2. reading your blog makes me laugh out loud at work about 95% of the time. this results in my seeming 62% MORE weird to my Haitian coworkers than I do otherwise. sigh.