Is your mom great? Exfoliate!

Your mom is hot! And she deserves to be pampered.

If you've been procrastinating this Mother's Day, I am here to save your hide. Having celebrated my mother a bit early, that's a guarantee. (My mom liked it enough to make the server at lunch read the label and smell it, which is actually more embarrassing than it sounds, because we were eating at Ilios Noche, where I used to work) It is also appropriately priced if you are saving for an earthship or an expensive exotic pet, and if you make a mess like I did, you'll get to enjoy some before you give it away.

If you've ever bought organic bath products, you're probably still poor, so it's pretty awesome to be able to make your own. (You're welcome.)

Hot Mama Sugar Scrub

You'll need:

• a small jar
• sugar
• almond oil
• aloe - I used as much as I could squeeze from a medium leaf
• vitamin E - I have the capsules, so I just poked them with a pin and emptied the juice into the jar.
  
• essential oils for fragrance - I used lavender and sweet orange (you can buy these at health food stores like Earth Fare or Whole Foods)
  
• and, if you want to be fancy, paper and clear packing tape to affix an artsy label.
  

In the jar, mix equal parts sugar and almond oil (which you can buy at any grocery store). Harvest the aloe, add the vitamin E, and several drops of each essential oil. Add one drop at a time, alternating the lavender and the orange, until you think it smells delicious. And stir!

Wait - you aren't finished yet! And you'll need to pay especially close attention here if you are OCD.

I printed my labels on the computer, but they could be written by hand (or not at all. But what are you, ungrateful? Your mom gave birth to you. You can make her a measly label). You'll want to make sure your label isn't too tall for the jar, or you risk causing the universe to spontaneously combust by offering a less-than-perfect Mother's Day gift, ending up in tears at 1 AM, and possibly alienating your husband. (I have personal experience with this - do you see those crinkles? I think they caused the humanitarian crisis in Pakistan.) Be careful who (it probably should not be the husband you just alienated) and how (it probably should be very nicely) you ask for help taping the labels on. If you are too crazy about making them just right, you have no business being around clear tape (what? oh, that was just My Experience talking). If you can handle the imperfections (which are inevitable, but also INVISIBLE. Clear packing tape has all kinds of tricks up its sleeve), the tape will make your label at least marginally water resistant and also very shiny in photos.